In the bustling environment of a college campus, students from diverse backgrounds come together to learn, engage, and grow. This diverse setting offers a unique opportunity to develop intellectual humility—a willingness to acknowledge the limits of one’s knowledge and value others’ perspectives. A crucial part of honing this skill involves engaging in healthy dialogues, especially in situations where differing opinions arise.
In U-Thrive’s Transforming Conflict module, Dr. Lynne Maureen Hurdle and Justin Nai’im Hurdle-Price explore common conflicts experienced by college students, how you may have been conditioned to navigate conflict, and note if “you are going to transform conflict you are going to know how to do it differently.”
This is where nonviolent communication (NVC) emerges as a powerful framework for promoting understanding and connection. By adopting NVC principles, students can enhance their dialogues and foster a more inclusive and empathetic community. Let’s explore five actionable tips to apply these principles effectively in college and beyond.
5 Nonviolent Communication Tips for College Students
1. Observe Without Judgment
The first step in nonviolent communication is to observe situations without attaching judgment. This may sound simple, but it requires vigilance in separating observation from evaluation. In practice, this means expressing facts as they are, without letting your interpretation color them. Here is a practical example you can use with students:
If a classmate frequently speaks over you in discussions, you might be tempted to think, “They’re always interrupting me.” Instead, reframe it as an observation: “During our last meeting, I noticed I couldn’t finish my thoughts before you responded.” Approaching dialogues with observations keeps the communication open, creating space for constructive exchange rather than defensive reactions.
2. Identify and Express Feelings
After making an unbiased observation, the next step is to identify and communicate your feelings stemming from the interaction. Revealing your emotional response can be a vulnerable position, but it’s essential for transparency and understanding. When articulating your emotions, use statements that start with “I feel…” to focus on your own experiences rather than placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You make me feel overwhelmed,” shift to “I feel overwhelmed when there are repeated interruptions.” The goal of communicating emotions candidly and responsibly is to lay a foundation for others to appreciate your perspective without feeling attacked.
3. Uncover and Communicate Needs Effectively
Behind every feeling lies a need—whether met or unmet. Recognizing and discussing these needs is crucial in NVC because it highlights the root of your emotions and makes them relatable. Needs are universal, and expressing them fosters empathy and compassion. Consider replacing a statement like, “You never consider my ideas,” with “I need to feel that my contributions are valued in our discussions.” This shift reframes the conversation from criticism to a shared human need—feeling respected and heard, which is more likely to elicit understanding and empathy from others.
By articulating these needs, students can connect on a deeper level. For example, replace “You never consider my ideas” with “I need to feel that my contributions are valued in our discussions.” This reframing shifts the focus from blame to universal needs, creating empathy and understanding.
4. Make Clear, Positive Requests
Once your observations, feelings, and needs are expressed, make an actionable request. The goal is to be clear, specific, and constructive. Positive requests encourage collaboration, while negative demands often provoke resistance. For instance, instead of saying, “Stop interrupting me,” you might propose, “Could we agree to take turns speaking so everyone can share their thoughts?” This phrasing not only avoids conflict but also builds a cooperative atmosphere where solutions can thrive.
5. Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening is essential for valuing diverse perspectives. It involves actively engaging with what the other person is saying and confirming your understanding. By reflecting back what you hear, you show that you value and are making an effort to understand their point of view. For instance, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because you need more structure during our conversations. Is that right?” By affirming the speaker’s experience, students can foster more meaningful, respectful dialogues.
Bridging Differences and Fostering Understanding in College
Integrating nonviolent communication into daily interactions requires patience and practice but offers transformative benefits. By observing without judgment, expressing feelings, uncovering needs, making positive requests, and practicing empathetic listening, students can create dialogue environments that prioritize respect and understanding. This approach aligns perfectly with the broader goal of intellectual humility—acknowledging that no one has all the answers and valuing everyone’s perspective.
In a college setting, where intellectual growth is paramount, these proactive skills encourage an atmosphere where students feel safe expressing their ideas and engaging in respectful dialogue. By cultivating intellectual humility, students can venture beyond their comfort zones, engage with unfamiliar perspectives, and find common ground even amidst disagreement.
Understanding as a Pathway to Connection
Ultimately, the journey toward intellectual humility and effective communication is a continuous process. It challenges students to question their assumptions, broaden their perspectives, and appreciate the rich diversity of human experiences. By focusing on listening to understand rather than simply responding, students forge meaningful connections that transcend individual differences. As noted in a 2021 article by Sarah Koopman and Laine Seliga, Teaching Peace by Using Nonviolent Communication for Difficult Conversations in the College Classroom, “…even when both professor and students were NVC beginners, students were able to use it to discuss polarizing protests in a class with a diversity of views, and needs for respect were overwhelmingly met.”
As college students progress through their educational journey, integrating the principles of nonviolent communication can significantly enhance their ability to engage with diverse perspectives, resolve conflicts, and deepen their understanding of others’ experiences. By fostering intellectual humility, they not only contribute to their personal growth but also enrich the collective learning environment. In the end, listening to understand becomes a transformative tool—one that helps build a more connected and compassionate world, one dialogue at a time.
Contact us today to bring U-Thrive’s proactive mental and emotional wellness solutions to your campus! Transforming Conflict is one of our 13+ key topics available, all designed to equip college students with skills to manage stress, become more resilient, and thrive throughout their college experience and beyond.
